Sunday, March 1, 2009

random thought

Finally, after seven months, a desire to write but nothing that I wanna write about. This is the only line i have managed to type in last ten minutes. Kinda disappointed with myself. Life has been so routine for past sometime that nothing has managed to get me thoughtful. Routine in a good way but still...routine. One of the sad things about past seven months is that gradually the list of people i might look up to or get inspired by here has hardly any names left. I guess that’s how its supposed to be...the amount you absorb from people around you diminishes once you have been with them for a while. Now that this is my fourth semester here...very few things that people do or say takes me by surprise or makes me think. And the things that i do absorb from others are simple gestures or tiny pieces of thoughts. Simple things that make the process of learning how to live on my own continue.
I guess the major thing i learned is how little is the importance of defining moments or spectacular events in our lives . How a routine life can be good and how stability and security are what we seek through things that start by sweeping us of our feet. Learning curve can be a negative exponential so many times but the nice bit is that it always extends to infinity.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

red river valley..

To be honest, this post is inspired by chaachi's latest one. Its about a cowboy song 'red river valley'. I don't remember when i heard the song first or how i came across it..all i know is that i have loved the song for years and remember it involuntarily everytime i feel melancholy. There is something about the song, something soothing...its sad yet gives me this feeling of hope and this image of brilliant sunshine in my mind. Its a really really old song...more than a century old from what i know.
For those of you who haven’t heard it, search it up on youtube.

From this valley they say you are going,
We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile,
For they say you are taking the sunshine
Which has brightened our pathways a while.

Come and sit by my side if you love me;
Do not hasten to bid me adieu,
But remember the Red River Valley,
And the girl that has loved you so true.

I've been thinking a long time, my darling,
Of the sweet words you never would say,
Now, alas, must my fond hopes all vanish?
For they say you are going away.
- Chorus

Won't you think of the valley you're leaving,
Oh, how lonely and sad it will be,
Just think of the fond heart you're breaking,
And the grief you are causing to me.
- Chorus

From this valley they say you are going,
When you go, may your darling go too?
Would you leave her behind unprotected,
When she loves no one other than you.
- Chorus

As you go to your home by the ocean,
May you never forget those sweet hours,
That we spent in the Red River Valley,
And the love we exchanged 'mid the flowers.
- Chorus

I have promised you, darling, that never
Will a word from my lips cause you pain,
And my life, it will be yours forever,
If you only will love me again.
- Chorus

They will bury me where you have wandered,
Near the hills where the daffodils grow,
When you're gone from the Red River valley,
For I can't live without you I know.
- Chorus

Friday, June 27, 2008

je suis ennuyé

I feel pissed. F***ing pissed. Feel like screaming my head off, throwing stuff around and kicking someone real hard. Its hot like hell, power keeps on going away all the freaking time and i got NOTHING to do. I am bored like never before. I have absolutely nothing to write about and i am typing all this shit out of sheer irritation. Why the f**k do we need a 75 day break?? AAAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!
The holidays are turning out to be just painful now.... i can’t believe that there are still about thirty days to go. Life’s been confined to tv, facebook, gtalk and blogs.Sad, i know. Some other day i might have done a philosophical analysis of why it should be so. But today i am just gonna keep repeating that i am annoyed and bored. You can read on if you want to but this is gonna be an utterly useless post(not to say that others were any use).
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...i just used 167 words writing pointlessly.
Damn!!! Sagar’s having an influence on me.
This post can compete with his most mindless ones. 188 words. But in case you are still reading, it feels good to just blabber about nothing. The fact that i am finally writing a post and that its hardly taking any effort has somehow reduced my annoyance.
MS Word apparently has nineteen synonyms for ‘annoyed’. I didn’t know that riled and narked meant annoyed. ‘Narked’..err.. just seems like an annoying insertion of ‘r’ in ‘naked’.254 words. 'Irritated’, though a synonym of annoyed, has got just nine synonyms. Now if ‘irritated’ is synonymus with ‘annoyed’ and the later with ‘narked’, won’t that make ‘narked' synonymus with ‘irritated’??? Then why is it not in the list? Or am i missing something?
Never used the thesaurus much anyways. And that has five synonyms. Wow...315 words. I think this is enough. If nothing, it kept the screaming in my head low for about fifteen minutes.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Silver and Blue...

Sometimes thoughtfulness comes in most unexpected of moments...
Forced by powercut and heat, last evening, I decided go sit on my roof and listen to music. Power failure implies no comp no ac and no TV, which seems to take the joblessness of my existence to new levels.
There I was greeted by the splendid sight of a near full moon on one side and lightening crossing the sky on the other. And a few stars scattered here and there. Its amazing how looking at the moon, thousands of recollections compressed in a nanosecond visit my brain, giving a weird gut feeling. A shining bright moon on a deep blue sky is like a regular template which has been used by so many of your memories.
I always take delight in observing the patterns made by clouds in moon’s vicinity, illuminated silver by its light. Nothing better than gazing at it and listening to music, in complete solitude. Well least during powercuts.
I closed my eyes after staring at it for a few minutes and it was like catching hold of some hopping portkey...Now I was in college on the road leading to the guest house, looking at the thousand stars twinkling above the dark outlines of behind the atish cafe...looking at the stretch of the river beyond the tennis court....Now on the same roof years back in time, gazing at the milky way and sharing my immature understanding of space with my bro......Now in the garden of a long forsaken house, just four years old and out in the dark for the first time without company ,fighting fear and admiring the sky at the same time.
Jerking out of my past, I thought about future.... about the events yet to come that will use this template. And there was a certain relief in knowing that wherever I end up living, some seemingly insignificant pleasures will never be out of reach.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Rain Rain ..go away

My dog and I exchange a gloomy look. Lazy as the two of us are, we still like our daily exercise of playing in the garden, chasing the frogs around. But its been raining incessantly for about a day now, forcing us to stay indoors and curse the unremitting downpour.
I have been cuddled in a chair since morning in my veranda, watching the rains, hoping for some kind of inspiration or rekindling some deep thoughtfulness. But in vain. I guess a year in an engineering college renders you incapable of something like that. It seems like a highly abnormal and futile exercise, unless the post ‘getting screwed’ pangs are still there (and I am talking about acads here...).

So, finally I give up and engross myself in the somewhat pitiful, somewhat fascinating life of Jane Eyre..a book I started few days back. Fifty pages later, a hint of sunlight makes me look up. Though the sky is somewhat less grey, its still raining hard. Most of the roads would be waterlogged by now, drains overflowing and streets all muddy and slippery. The dead brown moss covering boundary walls here and there will soon spring back to life and so will thousands of toads and snakes. The air too feels so damp and cold. I sometimes plain abhor the rains.

Even plain Jane’s tale seems dreary now and I am already sick of TV and my laptop.
Mom drops by to announce that I might skip taking a bath if I want to and that she’ll make pakodas for snacks.
Even raining clouds have a silver lining i guess...

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


What can be the consequences of a severe system failure in the middle of summer vacations???
Several and far reaching.....
You are left with no music to listen to. No pics to upload on stupid social networking sites you become a part of in your joblessness and in case you like using ms word instead of paper to pen your thoughts...then... well...for better or for worse nobody will ever be able to read them again.
If you like doing random shit using different softwares then your little works of art which nobody else could understand or appreciate are gone forever too. Sad stuff happens all the time. Imagine spilling water on a painting u did painstakingly or how a temporary loss of memory would make u feel. Combine both the feelings....and that is how a sudden system crash makes you feel.

Well... to be honest it wasn’t all that unexpected...I had been warned. So if you are more into immediate gains and pleasures..and keep on overlooking problems, you pay for it.
But that’s ok I guess....
Once a problem sinks in, it isn’t too bad...maybe because you get used to it. I miss the nice time spent with my lappy..watching all those sitcoms and weird videos specially when presently I am like Tom Hanks in Cast Away minus the island and the lack of people and food and commodities :P
Now..enough of cheesy lines...i am on way to recovery from the great trauma of the loss..rediscovering lost pleasures of the idiot box!!!
Hey don’t shake your head in hopelessness...yesterday i learnt how the fart of a particular worm has cyanide and that if about a hundred of those fart in unison, that might be the last thing you ever smell..
Where else but on Animal Planet would you learn that!!!

Sunday, June 8, 2008

The sound of muzak...a guest post by Chaach

There is so much about what music means to us that being able to explain it in words is not only impossible but would also make it much less important.
I don’t know if it is because we are so jobless but every song I listen to and write. I’ll observe every aspect of it. The random strum of guitar at some point, the change in pitch in the singer’s voice, the brilliant use of different instruments like a saxophone.....
I know very little about the technicalities of music. I am not very fond of trivia on music and musicians. For me music is just a pure feeling. When people relate their feelings to music..its mostly feeling blue. For me its just any feeling..Be it feeling stupid, feeling angry, feeling turned on, feeling elated, feeling scared or feeling low..feeling random emotions or even feeling like studying.

Music hugely determines how I feel at any moment. I don’t choose the music I want to listen based on my mood. I have never been really sure of my mood for that matter. At every moment I feel too many things. I feel confused and my head is always always brimming with thoughts.
Its here that music decides the feeling that will be most profound while listening to it. Sounds confusing, I know. Let me give you an example.....
Once after an exam, I was feeling so tired that I could not sleep. And when I was finally sleepy, it was too late and it was time to start studying for the next exam. So I randomly put the song ‘learning to fly’ by Pink Floyd and started listening to it on repeat mode on my speakers. The cool breeze on my face and the song on..I studied with full concentration. When I took a break for dinner I was still so so high. I was madly in love with the song and the feeling that it gave me.

This has a downside too. Sometimes playing a sad song with lyrics you relate to a lot can make you feel sad even when you don’t want to. Sometimes when you can’t listen to music...say when you are out somewhere and your ‘pod has no battery, you feel irritated. You in a way become dependent on music.
Enough about music and feelings...i think I went overboard with it and you are already yawning.
There are some aspects about songs which I love so much that I can’t help mentioning with perfect examples.
The weeping sound of a guitar..
e.g. Bombay rain
amazing drumming...
e.g. Achilles’ last stand – Led Zeppelin
A fair judgement – Opeth
lyrics that amplify your rush of emotions..
e.g. Make this go on forever – snow patrol
Say goodbye – junkyard grooves
Weird moodiness..
e.g. lemon tree – fool’s garden
No rain – blind melon
No instruments at all..
e.g. pehchaan – penn masala
Brilliant merging of guitar and drums..
e.g. sound of muzak – porcupine tree
Mad guitar solos...
e.g. free bird – lynard skynard
drastic mood uplifters....
e.g. haste to the wedding – The Corrs
An assured high giver...
e.g. learning to fly – Floyd.