finally a post .. :)

Time to remove the cobwebs on my blog...two months is a freaking lot. Too much has happened since I posted last. One whole year is over at BITS and we will have people junior to us next sem.
What does your first year at an engineering college normally teach you?
Nothing. And this is one of the most important realisations that should dawn upon you in the first year. Well ok...its not exactly nothing...as far as the whole experience of living in a fully residential college away from humanity is concerned. You learn quite a few survival skills. You learn how to go without enough food and clean clothes. And you also learn how much you depend on maggi, google and deo. How messaging and gtalk become as important as your tongue for bonding with people around you.

But as far as what college teaches you is concerned...its mostly crap that is hard to value...stuff that you mug up only because you have to. Stuff that you don’t have any clue how you are gonna apply in future. The books might not be all that useless but the same old methods of teaching and examination make sure you retain a very small part of the course. Depending on their interests people find solace in a course or two and keep cursing the rest. There are times when you don’t see any point of you being in an engineering college.

But too many things make up for that occasional dissatisfaction.


All the mugging and the stress...everything is worth the experience..the experience of living life as you never have and never will. Its a journey on road to self discovery....and when you truely understand that you shouldn’t be here studying this you also realise how much you belong to the place.

read your thoughts

I always make this big deal about being able to write when i am in a mood for it....when i have this sudden inexplicable urge to write.
That does not mean i do not want to write other times...i do but the sudden urge is missing. Right now I am supposedly jobless (well...if I can ignore some not so urgent tasks)....and i am gonna try and write without the sudden urge. Let me see the results.....

So on an eventless and unremarkable day...what can i write about?

Lemme see....
My life....no
My friends.....no
My college......maybe
Goa.....no
My thoughts.......yes...
Its surprising how only one thing determines and fills up our day....what goes on inside our head..

No matter how less you have managed to accomplish one particular day.....if a lot has been going on inside your head , it will never be an unremarkable day for you though it might seem so to others...
Well some people...maybe daydreamers/thinkers might understand the point i am trying to make ...others won’t.
But i am in strong favour of some random thought always being processed in your brain.....surprising but true...the quality of these random thoughts can tell a lot about a person..
What can be the best setting for random thoughts? Maybe a CP lecture by ‘circuute’ guy.
Sitting trying to figure out the shit he 's saying what randomness goes on in your mind?
I’ll analyse my friends..lets see what goes on in their head during the mutha lecture...

Chaachi....9X/GANPAT/phy sux/mehehehe......
Doodie .....WAAAAAAAAAAAVEES man WAAAAAAAVES/cute ;) /ahem

Tuffy .......listens to the guy/messages/ya thaaaaaaaat.../analyzes past day to past hour....
Rash....what shit / lol! / FIFA.....
Prashant...why do we...../why do people.../ realising specialities of some tune he is stuck with....
Bing...GAWWWWWWWWWD..../he wants to EAT...../n sketches the rest of his thoughts.....
Me...well..its my random thoughts that you are reading right nw...

Joblessness and randomness go hand in hand......
Guess it’s my love for randomness that keeps me jobless all the time... :)

starlight

I wish i could make music through words...sometimes things you feel like writing about are too beautiful for words...ordinary for random people but so beautiful inside your head.....

A pool of water surrounded by rocks that look as lifeless as they are.
Doesn’t sound amazing at all....does it?

Lets add few more things now...
Relaxing after a taxing week.....
Lying down with people you love spending time with... gazing at the blue starry sky....
Cool wind blowing through your hair and over your face...and not a single worry to spoil all that....just music going on inside your head...
Constellations ...the Jack Johnson song in my head....and i guess sm random tune in prashant’s. Doodie was humming starlight i think...


Orion.....dark matter...relativity...telepathy....stones hitting the water surface....much to break the silence and much to keep it intact...
You might be saying how the searchlight behind the hills looks so sexy or how orion is kinda different around eleven.....how the place reminds you of Leningrad ....or discussing whether songs in hindi movies streatch for more than a day in the video( ya that..i know)...
I am vaguely aware of all that.....tunes and feelings mixing in my head like colours....dunno what shade ..
Not trying to figure out....no words no music no gesture to describe it...

But if you are like me and you too where lying there at that moment...i guess you would understand.

Starlight
Star bright
The first star i see tonight
Wish i may
Wish i might
May my wish come true tonight

feel aati hai...

My room is not supposed to look or feel like this in the middle of night....packed, warm and cosy. And every time I open the window a little...this bone chilling wind is not supposed to hit my face. All of this reminds me of winter back home. I hate the feel of winter nights...they make you nostalgic and contemplative. I have no clear idea why I share this intense relationship with winter. Maybe because back home winter is the most beautiful time of the year.

Nywho, coming back to Goa....it’s their coldest winter in 78 years. Which is still not much by North Indian standards but enough for,as my friends would say...feel aane ke liye.

Quark starts from tomorrow....and I am really looking forward to the next three days now. The posters are awesome and so is the rest of the decoration. Today B-wing was looking so splendid in the evening. Standing there seeing all those people work...well...feel as rahi thi.

Good days....

A productive Sunday I would say. Well...not in terms of studies ..But finally I managed to write my next blog post. Today Bing’s post got me thinking about a very phashinating thing...the colour of my memories.
Its surprising how each one of my vivid memories is either dominated by bright sunlight or by gray clouds and silver moonlight. Most of these gray and white memories are so intense .They are not about something significant happening back then but about me enjoying the moments for their sheer beauty.....
As a kid, during nights of powercuts, me and my bro would lie down on the roof and gaze at the stars for ages (yes ,the powrecuts would last really long sometimes). The feeling of awe and wonder at their beauty and their mystery would make those moments so amazing.
For the same reason I cherish all these blackout nights here in BITS ....sitting with friends at I_THE SPOT_I gazing at the lights shimmering in the Zuari river and the stars twinkling around the lone naked tree......Even this moment is a beautiful one....sitting and contemplating is my favourite activity.
I feel good.

Musings of a jobless mind

I so wish I could see the Zuari from my room....I hate the fact that my room window overlooks the hostel enclosure. A great view is all that I need to perfect my mental state of joblessness and contemplation on a Sunday afternoon. It’s strange... I want to write...my mind is swelling with random thoughts...but I cannot interpret them somehow and just can’t put them into words. One moment I am thinking of some gray and white memories and the other moment about the pizzas I had last night. Total disconnect. I love randomness....in thoughts and in action. It can be an escape. Can be a process that leads to realisations....analyzing...and almost always, to relief.

feel a feel

So much has happened in the span of last five months that i think hardly anything that has happened in all those years is worth mentioning here. I feel way more close to friends i have made here than i ever felt to people i have known for about a decade....feel more attched to this place than to the place where i have lived all my life....feel too many emotions too often. Even dream too much....of sunshine lit empty roads lined with trees....of wind in huge green fields... cottages surrounded by long golden grass.....sound of temple bells on chilly winter nights....shining green leaves and the smell of earth after first downpour...gray and cold rainy evenings that would arouse a sense of intense nostalgia...memories i can still attach feelings to. Yes i think frequently of home but do not yearn to be there.


Feeling too emotionally exausted right now.....want to close my eyes and feel the sea waves hitting my legs.....i open my eyes and there is black sea all around which somewhere merges with the black starry sky. I can see a small boat at the horizon flashing blue light and light from near by buildings being reflected on the water....i can feel the sand slipping beneath my feet.

too many random feelings......too intense for me to handle.